


Hard to Concentrate

by TrustNoOne182



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cas is romantic, Cute, Fluff, M/M, More Fluff, Soulmates, dean is oblivious
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-09
Updated: 2019-07-09
Packaged: 2020-06-25 03:25:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19737349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrustNoOne182/pseuds/TrustNoOne182
Summary: When Castiel pulled the tattered remains of Dean’s soul from Hell he did more than bring him back to life - he fused their beings together.They became bonded, though neither of them was aware of it at first.Somewhere, deep down they always new that they were meant to be together.





	Hard to Concentrate

**Author's Note:**

> The title is the name of a Red Hot Chili Peppers song. I may or may not be terrible at naming my stories...so song titles it is. I've been working on this off an on for more than a year and I finally feel it is ready to share. Please excuse the self-indulgent Portland references, I'm a local. Enjoy!

When Castiel pulled the tattered remains of Dean’s soul from Hell he did more than bring him back to life - he fused their beings together.They became bonded, though neither of them was aware of it at first. There have been documented cases of this bond; it never manifested the same for any two sets of people. For some the angel that resurrected them became nothing more than a guardian angel, some became friends and some became mentors or parental figures. 

In very few cases did the relationship become romantic or sexual, the main reason for this being God had warned them about such temptations. While he loves the humans he painstakingly created, he also warned the angels that they were meant to stand apart from them. Humans would never learn from their own mistakes or become the righteous people he knew they could be without the angel’s guidance. However, just because it was rare did not mean it never happened - God understood that the free will he had given to the angels meant that they were free to fall in love with a mortal. 

It took a lot of research for me to get to this point, but from everything I have read and from everyone I have spoken to it is because the angel uses their grace to scoop that soul from Hell, rebuild their body and bring them back to once again walk among the living. An angels grace is like a thumbprint - angels can always recognize each other no matter what vessel they are in because they can identify the grace inside of it. When an angel uses the grace that God gave to them to perform this miraculous task they are infusing their life force with the life force of the human they have brought back. 

Dean Winchester and Castiel are no exception to this. I did not set out intending to write this article, I merely started to research something that peaked my interest - the profound bond between my brother, Dean Winchester, and the angel that pulled him from Hell, Castiel. 

-Sam Winchester, Kansas Chapter of the Men of Letters  
\---  
“Are you still working on that case? Why do you even create journal entries? Do you think that anyone out there is going to benefit from the shit we do?” Dean asked as he set a beer down next to Sam. 

“We benefited from Dad’s journal, not to mention everything we’ve come across since we got this place,” Sam said gesturing around them. Dean shrugged and sat down next to Cas, who was frowning distantly into space. 

Sam continued to work on his report and ignored Dean and Cas as they discussed the case. When he looked up Dean was staring at his phone and Cas was watching Dean, a small smile playing at the corner of his lips. He smiled to himself as he went back to work, wondering when Dean would notice.  
\---  
They were working a case in Oregon (which was a bit further West than they usually went, but it was a favor for Jodie) when Sam again noticed Cas paying specific attention to Dean. In the motel room they had divided up the research - Sam on the computer, Dean on local sheriff's reports and Cas on the books they had brought with them. 

Dean would grumble as he went through the pages, occasionally jotting something down. Each time Dean grumbled Cas looked over at him, he would keep his eyes fixed on him for a minute or so afterward. At first Sam though Cas was annoyed by Dean’s behavior, but he soon realized that Cas was actually checking on Dean. 

When Dean went to get burgers a few hours later Sam waited until he had been gone a few minutes before closing the laptop and sitting at the table across from Cas.

“So, Cas, have you thought about telling Dean how you feel?” Sam started.

“How I feel? About what?”

“About him,” Sam motioned toward the door. 

“He is my friend, he is more family to me than the angels are. Both of you are.” 

“Right, I know but you seem to be paying special attention to Dean. It kind of looks like you love him, and more than just as a friend.” Sam sat patiently and waited for Cas to work through this information. 

“I’ve always felt this way about him, since I pulled him from hell and rebuilt his body. Holding someone's soul in your hands is a miraculous thing, as I’ve said before we are bonded together,” Castiel replied. He was fiddling with the pages of the book, his eyes kept slipping away from Sam’s. 

“But does Dean know that?”

At that moment Dean came back in. He looked at the two of them raised his eyebrows and mumbled something about a chick flick moment. Cas looked at his shoes and Sam went to get his food. 

“No, he doesn’t,” Cas mumbled so quietly no one heard him.  
—-  
“I don’t understand what is so special about a bookstore,” Dean said as he pulled the car into the parking lot. 

“Powell’s is more than a bookstore. It’s a whole city block and has books on every subject you could think of. It’s famous!”

“Whatever, you go to your bookstore, I’m gonna go find some decent food,” Dean mumbled. Cas followed after Dean, ignoring the look Sam gave him. 

They wandered around Downtown Portland for a while, Dean was amused with the food selection you could get at the carts and they ended up with more food than was needed.

“This is nice,” Cas said as they sat on a park bench and watched people go by. It was a warm breezy day, a good day to be outside. 

“Yeah, it is.” Dean turned to look at Cas, admiring the way he was so enraptured with the daily ongoings of people. A woman pushing a stroller, a teenager with a Mohawk or a young family all were of equal interest. He reached out and took Cas’ hand in his own, giving it a gentle squeeze.

“Could you ever see yourself like them?” Castiel asked pointing at a small family. The woman was holding the hand of a boy no older than four and the man was holding a little girl who looked to be about two. Dean watched them walk, watched them laugh and talk. He tried to imagine himself as a father, with a wife and kids but it seemed such an odd concept. Is that what he wanted? Most people did, but Dean was not most people. 

“I want to belong, but I don’t know if I will belong to a family like that. I mean, who would have kids with me?”

“I would. You’d be an amazing father. I’ve spent so long watching people live their lives, I want to know what it’s like.”

“But you’d have to give up your grace.”

“It’d be worth it.”

“Wait, you’d start a family with me?” Dean asked, Cas’ comment finally registering. 

Cas chuckled and nodded. He laced their fingers together and went back to watching the day go by.  
—-  
It was hours until they saw Sam again, they met him at a pub with odd art on the walls, but the burgers were good so Dean didn't complain. Sam was insisting that they go to some donut place called Voodoos. 

“I don’t understand what is so special about a donut. Can we just pick one up on the road and head back? I don’t like to stay in one place too long, and this place is weird,” Dean said over the rim of his beer glass. 

“We can get a box of donuts tonight and be out of here first thing in the morning.” 

Dean grumbled an okay, Cas thought that secretly Dean looked excited.  
\---  
The donuts were worth it. Dean was excitedly eating his third one in the hotel room, something an alarming shade of pink that had an actual piece of bubble gum on it. Cas watched him and smiled. 

“You should tell him,” Sam said quietly. He had been watching Cas, wishing there was some way he could help. 

“I will, when the time's right, for now this is enough.” 

Sam smiled and didn’t push it any further.  
—  
When they got back to the bunker life continued on as usual. They researched cases, ate greasy food and watched more action movies than seemed reasonable. It was not the life Cas had spent so much of his time as an angel watching, yet it felt like he was exactly where he belonged.

Maybe it was because it was new and not something he’d already witnessed, maybe that’s what made it so special. Or maybe it was the glimmer in Dean’s eyes when Cas came into the kitchen first thing in the morning. It was never anything more than a smile from Dean, but it was a smile that reached his eyes, a breathtaking sight that was such a rarity. 

One such mourning Cas leaned against the counter, a cup of coffee in his hands as he regarded Dean, the man he had resurrected from Hell. If he thought hard enough he could recall what his soul felt like in his hands. It was gentle but strong, tired and yet so determined to go on. That same resilience was still alive in Dean, and for a moment Cas forgot everything but the man in front of him. He studied his freckles, the creases around his eyes and the stubble on his cheeks. 

“Do you remember anything about when I brought you back?” Cas asked, shattering the peaceful silence. Dean looked at Cas, his eyes wide as he considered the question. 

“No, I remember you kept trying to talk to me, but it made things go wonky. I remember feeling new, like I was whole again after being broken for so long. But nothing else, really.”

“Nothing else really? That sounds vague.”

Dean chuckled and sipped his coffee, taking a moment to think over the images flooding his mind. 

“I remember there was pain and then suddenly it was gone. It was like nothing I had ever felt. I was warm and happy and…” he trailed off and looked at Cas. 

“Loved.” Their eyes met and Dean felt himself nodding, suddenly knowing he was correct. “I rebuilt you with my grace, my very essence flows through your body. In the first moments when I rebuilt you I felt it too, love as I had never known. You were my destiny, but when you came back you seemed to have forgotten this, or blocked it out.” 

“Why didn’t you say something sooner?” Dean asked. 

“You were happy as you were. I have seen all the suffering you went through, and when I saw you happy I left you alone, to experience it.”

“Because you love me?” 

“Yes, because I love you.” 

Dean nodded, he ran his thumb across the rim of his coffee mug as his eyes looked anywhere but at Cas. 

“I think I was created for the sole purpose of loving you. When you were born I was drawn to you. It was odd, I’d seen millennia of life and there didn’t seem to be anything remarkable about yours, but the more I watched the more I found myself longing to have a role in it. So many times I thought about fabricating a way in, but I knew that if I waited I’d find my moment. And when that moment came I was ready. Ready to meet the one I was destined for.” 

Dean smiled, his smile was genuine with no hint of mockery. He nodded and looked at Cas, an understanding present that hadn’t been there before. 

“What do we do now?”

“Well, I believe in human culture the act of inter—“

“No, Casanova! Not just sex, I meant us. I’m not good at relationships, and if we are what you say then I don’t want to mess anything up.”

“How about we just are for now? We can find our own pace and define it as we go?” 

Dean nodded, he stood up and walked over to where Cas stood. He put one hand on the counter next to Cas, with the other he cupped his cheek. 

“Let’s at least seal it with a kiss,” Dean murmured. Cas leaned in, closing the distance between them. The kiss was chaste, gentle and sweet. They both could feel the potential but Cas let Dean lead, allowing him to pull Cas closer and deepen the kiss. 

“Oh…” Dean breathed. 

“What?”

“I feel like I’ve found something I didn’t even know I was missing,” Dean said as he leaned in to capture Cas’ lips in another kiss. After a few more soft kisses they pulled back, foreheads leaning against each other. Dean smiled and looked into Cas’ brilliant blue eyes as if seeing them for the first time. 

“I love you too,” Dean said not breaking eye contact. 

“I know, but I like hearing it.” 

Dean kissed Cas again, his fingers tangled in his dark hair as he brought their bodies closer together. 

“So, is this a thing now? Do I have to worry about what I may walk in on?” Sam asked from the doorway with a smirk. Dean flipped him off then went back to his seat to finish his coffee. Cas and Sam joined him, in no time at all they slipped into their usual routine. It wasn’t perfect, but it was close enough.

**Author's Note:**

> I toyed with removing the journal entry at the beginning, or making it not be from Sam's POV, but I like how it turned out.


End file.
